yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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