I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
