OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
