tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
