Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
