the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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