its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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