i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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