I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she smelled like a LAN party
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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