Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
