i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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