come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
