I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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