the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
