oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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