You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
