so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
