You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
