Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
