I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
