This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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