did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
