So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
