I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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