watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
