guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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