just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
