Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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