my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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