I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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