My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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