oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
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I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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