If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just tell him i said nine months
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!