You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
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Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.