My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster