I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
