Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."