fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.