Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  the vacuum is drunk

  (703): View more from Virginia

  what?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

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  (908): the vacuum is drunk (703): what? (908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk http://tfl.nu/sgxh
  Replies (17) Good night (2691) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Clothes are such an inconvenience.

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  (519): Clothes are such an inconvenience. http://tfl.nu/1jcm
  Replies (22) Good night (8406) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes

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  (203): i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes http://tfl.nu/2sgp
  Replies (14) Good night (4562) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began

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  (570): 12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began http://tfl.nu/mu8u
  Replies (21) Good night (5258) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.

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  (716): I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one. http://tfl.nu/p9u2
  Replies (5) Good night (1110) Bad night (3925)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.

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  (678): If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me. http://tfl.nu/3kcp
  Replies (5) Good night (1389) Bad night (1749)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.

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  (517): at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees. http://tfl.nu/qho2
  Replies (10) Good night (2988) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives

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  (770): Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives http://tfl.nu/9ndz
  Replies (6) Good night (2254) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think

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  (613): She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think http://tfl.nu/7fbd
  Replies (21) Good night (835) Bad night (1917)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.

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  (518): It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips. http://tfl.nu/uv9b
  Replies (4) Good night (1017) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.

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  (505): KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS. http://tfl.nu/ef79
  Replies (4) Good night (1490) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese

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  (217): You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese http://tfl.nu/jq2v
  Replies (11) Good night (775) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.

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  (608): Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants. http://tfl.nu/jnxo
  Replies (4) Good night (766) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...

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  (516): She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird... http://tfl.nu/escp
  Replies (4) Good night (546) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.

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  (401): I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever (1-401): They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense. http://tfl.nu/jju4
  Replies (3) Good night (680) Bad night (188)

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