i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
