I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
