Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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