If i come over, it means nothing
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
