Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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