:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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