So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
