Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
