OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
