whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
