the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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