I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
