But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
