We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
