Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
