did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
