Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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