I cannot find my penis.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
