He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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