i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you win again, gameday.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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