i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
