I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
