Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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