Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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