girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
