I think my fart just growled at me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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