Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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