Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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