Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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