You don't have asthma, your pregnant
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
