I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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