I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
