HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
