Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
