Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
