If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
