Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize