She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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