i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
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You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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